Bouncing Back

When the time comes for a baby bird to leave the nest, there isn’t necessarily the option to say "no". We have all experienced a situation that felt forced upon us, or against our will, yet we only have two options:

Fly....

Or fall.

Sometimes life takes a turn that feels unexpected, knocks us down, and makes you wonder what went wrong. I always admire the people who can simply say "F*&% it, I don’t care who likes me and if you don’t want me, I don’t want you!" But, that isn’t me, and it’s most likely my sensitivity shining through, but when any sort of rejection comes my way, I wonder what’s wrong with me? However, through many times of that cycle (breakups, friendships ending, losing a job, or any general rejection that made me say “ow”), I’ve decided to leave the 'what’s wrong with me' piece out of it. That doesn’t feel productive. There will always be the “what if’s”, the “should-haves”, and the “maybes”...i.e. What if I didn’t nag him about spending more time with me? What if I didn’t speak up? Maybe if I kept my mouth shut, everything would have turned out okay. I should have been more cautious, I should have kept my guard up, etc. The list can go on and on, but to what end?

We must bounce back. Personally, I feel that it has become easier for me over the years, and while my skin has gotten a little thicker, rejection still stings. It never feels good. In the past, I would really hang onto things; a break-up could have happened 7 months ago, yet I would still feel like it happened just yesterday. Holding onto the hurt or pain for 7 months doesn’t bring the person or thing back that we lost. It doesn’t propel us forward, and it definitely doesn’t help us grow. Reflection is necessary, but regret, that does nothing for me.

When things are meant to be, there is no stopping it. What if you said the things you said, so that you can be set free? What if your “stupid acts” in a relationship or a certain situation, were simply your soul’s longing to be OUT or released from that circumstance? We must hold ourselves accountable for our actions and wrong-doings, but what if, conflicts or clashing ensue, simply because it/he/she is not meant for you? What if it was simply our time to leave that nest?

There will be a lot of nests in life for us to settle into and to fly out of; sometimes as fast as we can! The most important thing to remember is we have wings...we have the choice to fly. Sure, we may fall on our face and struggle, or wallow a little bit, but then, it’s time. Stay positive, stay confident, and above all practice self-love. We make mistakes, things don’t work out, sometimes it’s our fault, and sometimes energies just don’t align. That is life, but it doesn’t need to feel bad. The painful part of moving on is optional.  

A tool or practice I’d like to offer for personal growth is Svadhyaya. Svadhyaya is a sanskrit word that means “one’s own reading” or “self-study”. This is one of the principles or code of ethics in Yoga. My teacher constantly speaks of the pertinence to having a strong svadhyaya practice, and for me it has always been through writing. Blogging has been a cathartic practice, but truly, my svadhyaya occurs when I journal. In my journal, I may beat myself up, speak all of my negative or angry thoughts, and then I will reflect. I will almost always come to a positive and uplifting end to my stream of consciousness, and more times than not it turns into a prayer. Sometimes my prayer or soul’s longing turns into an action plan for achieving my goals, but other times, it’s simply an unloading of thoughts, emotions, and musings. It’s a way to look at myself, and the world; how I am perceived, how I impact others, and instead of beating myself up when I’ve made mistakes, I can forgive myself, and therefore evolve.

Simple ways to get started with a svadhyaya practice is to: 

  1. Meditate
  2. Study the wisdom teachings (sutras, psalms, proverbs, etc)
  3. Journal
  4. Practice Yoga
  5. Spend solitary time in nature

So, when life knocks you down, kicks you out a nest, or leaves you feeling helpless...reflect, practice svadhyaya, and then choose to fly