Good Grief

Grief…is good?  The phrase “good grief” is something we all have heard.  This phrase was made popular in America through the Charlie Brown cartoon and is one of those things we say in exclamation.  It might be an “old timey” saying for millennials, but as I am struck with immense grief after the recent loss of my grandfather, this saying keeps playing in my head.  

Grief does not feel “good”.  Sure, maybe it is cathartic and better than bottling it up or suppressing your emotions, but saying “good grief” is an oxymoron.  

I have all of the tools to properly grieve and to go through this mourning process, but I decided to fully allow myself be sad last week.  I didn’t write a blog, I did the bare minimum to get by with work, and allowed myself to go numb in front of the TV with intermittent crying.  This week, I’m emerging back to reality; I finally returned to my yoga mat and was reminded that death is an illusion.  While the physical body is gone, the spirit lives on and as I settle into the quiet of meditation, I can feel my grandfather’s energy within my heart.  I see him through nature, like every time I see a squirrel, I think of him yelling for them to get out of his yard, or, him threatening to get his BB gun.  I can reminisce endlessly.

Through my studies and own personal introspection, I have come to believe that there is only a thin veil separating us from the non-ordinary reality, or spiritual realm.  What we see on the physical plane is only one version of “reality”.  This may sound woo-woo, but it’s my own personal belief.  The fact we face when a loved one passes is that they are gone from our physical world; what we believe happens after death is entirely personal.  Through my dreams, signs in nature, or even the occasional voice in my head, I can sense the presence of spirits, angels, or guides all around me - and others.

We all have an intuitive ability, it’s really just a matter of honing the skill or tuning your instrument to perceive these messages.

Basic Steps to “Tune” Your Intuition:

  1. Meditate and start to familiarize yourself with what occurs physically, emotionally, and mentally when you are presented with silence.

  2. Spend time in nature, again in silence, and begin to notice what’s around you.  Notice plants, animals, critters, sunlight, the breeze, sounds, or the feeling of the ground beneath you, and remain open.

  3. Before going to sleep, ask for a dream.  You can ask to meet your spirit guides, to receive a message from angels, a message from God, or a dream about a loved one that may have passed.  Sometimes asking for a sign is all you need to do.

Important notes: 

  • Sometimes we don’t get answers, signs, or direction because we are not supposed to.  For instance, we can obsess over seeing a sign as to whether or not we are supposed to take a certain job, or be with a certain person, but sometimes our guides/spirit team/angels/God/inner counsel keeps us in the dark, for a reason.  This does not mean you are lost or abandoned, it simply means it is not information you are meant to know right now.  Either you are not ready, it’s not necessary, or there is still more you need to assimilate/understand about your current circumstance before receiving additional guidance.  
  • Attempting to communicate with those that crossed over is not what I am recommending and your intuition is simply a tool that can help you feel more connected.  My Shamanism mentor told me that about 3 months after someone’s passing, it could actually be harmful to their crossing over process to try to receive messages from them.  Further, I have seen this become an obsession for some, where people pay mediums lots of money to try to get a message.  And as Dr. Norm Shealy once told me regarding mediums or intuitive readers: “Some are flakier than cornflakes!”

Simply listen to your heart and See what you feel. 

Less "Woo-Woo" Steps for Grieving:

  1. Give yourself permission to be sad.  Allow the emotions to surface.  Lean on your support system and express what you are feeling, or write about it in a notebook.  Ignoring it, brushing it under the rug, or burying it within you does not serve you.  Try not to stay in a place of being numb. 
  2. Spend time with loved ones and cherish the present moment.  It is nice to reminisce, but we don't want to get stuck in the past.  Sometimes the best way to stay present-aware is to give to others, like helping a friend with a project. 
  3. Celebrate the life of the one you lost.  Enjoy old photos, home-videos, and allow yourself to create a mini-celebration for their life - remaining grateful that you got to know them at all.  
  4. Take a deep inhale through the nose and on your exhale let out the "Ssssss" sound.  This is an Energy Medicine technique for releasing grief.  You can do this as many times as you'd like as a way to calm your system.  

Beyond the veil, I believe we will be reunited with all who have passed; animal friends included!  Love is the most powerful form of medicine, so through this process, self-love and spending quality time with those you love is paramount.  Stay in gratitude for what you shared with the one you lost and carry that energy within your heart.  And then, through you, they will always live on.  

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